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Dear [REDACTED] and [REDACTED],

I’m sorry to disappoint you, I tried to explain, but couldn’t seem to get a word in edgewise.

You booked me for four hours, despite my booking page having multiple booking options for multiple days, gave me a huge list of demands, then came back before I was actually finished the job… did you want four hours (upstairs only) or did you want your place finished? Can’t have both.

Only once, over a year ago, I cleaned your 2nd floor balcony; my rags were covered in grey ash and it smelled like cigarettes, I had to toss them. I didn’t say anything and I didn’t charge extra, because I am a professional. You have never tipped me, even when I stay an extra 10-15 minutes to complete your check lists. After my minimum, I charge by the half hour. It’s not polite or professional to discuss tips or lack thereof.

Do you leave a gratuity for your server when you dine out at a restaurant or are you consistently cheap across the board? (Rhetorical question)

Sunday, I wiped the inside windows of the terrace door, not the outside, you can still see the rain marks on the outside window pane.

There’s no obvious Locked / Unlocked indicator, but you’re right- I should have checked the door I didn’t use. (Sarcasm)

The door was how you left it. I only wiped the inside ledge and windows- didn’t open the door handle and there doesn’t seem to be a lock. I get that it’s vintage but it’s not user friendly so I didn’t use it.

YOU left it like that, then got mad at ME about it. Really mad. Yelling and swearing mad. Verbal harassment mad. Wouldn’t let me come Inside to get my stuff mad. I said sorry at least six times but you weren’t actually listening to me. I couldn’t finish a single sentence. Do you two argue like this? Raised voices, swearing, name calling, insults, cutting each other off, and not listening? Repeating yourself and venting emotional build-up without any logic? Did you really freak out THAT HARD over a door you didn’t secure and a floor that needed to be mopped?

Domestic Housekeeping Industry standard is one housekeeper, 40 hours a week, for 5,000 square feet. Additional workers need to be hired for estates larger than 5,000.

For 15 years, D.E.M.A. has supported over 60 million members in 150 countries. Serving those who serve others, is the motto.

It’s a huge industry, with proper standards and training protocol. For example simple things like don’t wipe the toilet then use the same rag to dry the dishes, to more complex tasks such as ironing a fitted king sized bed sheet, or serving a ten course dinner. You can’t just “wing it” when you’re on salary.

5,000 square feet divided by 40 hours is 125 square feet per hour to clean every surface properly. You told me your space is 600 square feet per floor: 1200 square feet divided by 125 per hour makes 9.6 hours to thoroughly clean your home. I did 6.5 and was coming back, even though you didn’t schedule me, for another 90 minutes (my minimum is two hours). I’m actually quite efficient despite your opinions.

You accused me of doing “nothing”, so here is the list of “nothing” I did:

I vacuumed all upstairs furniture with a reshly sanitized upholstery attachment (your vacuum is dirty, you need to clean your cleaning supplies from time to time). I vacuumed the carpet and took it downstairs so I could mop the floors properly, and vacuumed under the metal vents as you had asked. I vacuumed the stairs, and wiped the banister; I dusted all picture frames, wooden parts of the furniture, all light fixtures, antiques and surfaces. Vacuumed and mopped under the couch, which obviously hadn’t been done in weeks. I lint rolled all cushions, and picked off the loose feathers. I dusted the TV and the TV stand. I wiped all the electric outlets, and light switches. I wiped the drawers under the TV and inside the cabinet. Everything was very dusty, clearly hadn’t been touched since the last time I was there.

I’m guessing the main source of dust in your home is pet hair and cigarette ash / smoke residue. (You get your air ducts cleaned once a year and change out the air filters every six months as home owner maintenance, right? If not, you’re just recirculating old dust).

Dust is you. Every day you shed hair, skin and nail cells. They dry up and become dust. Living in a city or near a highway will bring in car exhaust particles. Having pets will create hair, dander and skin cells. Smoking indoors is the worst though. All the people, dogs and cigarette debris from the last time you cleaned your ducts until now (3 years? 5 years?) is still in your place landing on surfaces.

I vacuumed and wiped behind and under all furniture. I cleaned and sanitized the toaster counter area. I opened the toaster oven from the bottom and wiped every surface inside.

I vacuumed the corners of the kitchen cupboards. I cleaned and sanitized the wall next to the stove, the back splash, and the wet mouldy spot under the dish rack (Why is it always wet? Why do you allow mould to grow? Why don’t you have a towel or dish rack pad under it?)

I cleaned the dish rack, removed the soap scum build up, then sanitized it. I pulled the plants and the trinkets off the ledge and cleaned it, put the stuff back. I picked the dead leaves off the plants to make them look nice.

I washed the dishes in the sink and the greasy frypans. I took apart the oven and used the easy off. I wiped it with paper towels. Then a wet rag, Then a dry rag, then a wipe with dish soap to remove the Chemical. Then a wet wipe. Then a final dry wipe. I soaked the racks and scrubbed them. I’m not sure how YOU think you clean an oven, but that’s the process. Considering the fat build up, I’m guessing you’ve never cleaned it, or you’ve never cleaned it properly.

I Pulled everything from the cutlery drawer. Vacuumed, cleaned, sanitized, put it all back.

Your upstairs toilet had a fair bit of pubic hair and dust / debris around the outside. It wasn’t an easy or quick task. Industry best practice is to clean the toilet daily. Minimum twice a week. Your toilet had red algae growing under the rim, the same algae that causes Red Tide. If you clean and sanitize every 72 hours, the algae can’t bloom.

I wiped all walls in the upstairs bathroom, dusted the blinds (indoor cigarette smoking in there??), removed the glass shelves from the inside of the vanity, cleaned them, dried them, put them back. I wiped the light above the sink, cleaned the sink and the metal sink pieces, cleaned and sanitized under the sink. Vacuumed and wiped the baseboards under and behind the sink. Then Put the bathroom cleaning supplies away under the sink.

Industry best practice for bath tubs is to use a microfibre cloth, a sponge, or a washcloth. Every time you use Magic Eraser it takes off a layer of finish and makes small scratches for more dirt to collect.

Your bath tub is very scratched (magic eraser) and porous (old). It’s clean, but looks dirty because the surface is damaged. It should be refinished or replaced. If I were paying three grand a month I’d expect the bathroom to look new.

Shower: I did a soapy clean, squeegee, dry wipe, and sanitize. I got into every broken dish crevice I could find. Same process for the metal parts of the shower, plus isopropyl alcohol to remove residue. I soaked the shower rack to remove the soap scum, then sanitized it. I removed all your personal items you left behind, put them in bags by the front door. I vacuumed the bath mat and put it back. I suggested to wash the bath mat, but you declined.

How would you feel going to a hotel and the bath mat hadn’t been washed? I was grossed out by this, and concerned due to Covid safety, but as a professional, I followed your instructions. You can get foot fungus, staphylococcus, or planters warts from sharing a bath mat with a stranger… pretty gross. Completely unhygienic. Personally, I would want to know so I could go buy a new bath mat.

Four hours was plenty of time to run the laundry. Why you wouldn’t want to wash these items is beyond me. Gross. Unsanitary.

I cleaned and sanitized the upstairs bathroom sink, pulled the table out, wiped the wall, the baseboards and the corner behind it, vacuumed and wiped the drawers, removed your personal items, then put the table back. I wiped the bathroom floors once, ready for a final mop.

The smell downstairs was from the toilet – specifically the space behind and around the toilet. I’m guessing vomit, diarrhea, dried blood, or a combo of. The dog piss smell is upstairs, in the porous unsealed wood floor panels. (Why don’t you have sealed wood floors?)

Downstairs toilet: I did a soapy clean, dry wipe, sanitize and used a pet enzyme cleaner to help deodorize the smell.

Under kitchen sink – washed and dried the recycling, compost and garbage bins. Put bags in them. Cleaned every surface of the cupboard and both sides of the door, especially the inside where garbage juice splatters. Then I sanitized the entire space under the sink and wiped it dry.

I cleaned and sanitized the plunger, the toilet brush and the ledge above the door, both bathrooms.

Upstairs bathroom I removed the old shower curtain and installed the new Shower curtain. Vacuumed corners. Gross Massive Hair ball in bath tub drain – you need a mesh hair catcher.

I cleaned the Bedroom mirror above the bed, and dusted the lamps on the side tables. You asked me to vacuum the mattress before putting the sheets, however I don’t normally bring that piece and didn’t have it with me.

I offered to wash the sheets and was told they were clean. Poor guy is going to sleep on unwashed sheets fresh from the package, that smell like ikea, and will be scratchy to the touch. I feel bad for him.

Industry best practice is three sets of sheets per bed: one on the bed, one in the wash, and one for back up. It takes less than ten minutes to make a bed, I could have had that done but you wanted the mattress vacuumed first, and I wasn’t going to cross contaminate it with the floor piece. I called [REDACTED] to explain that I would come back with it.

I would wash the mattress cover, as your body sweat soaks through the sheets and absorbs into the terry towel fabric. It’s not clean, it’s not washed, I feel really bad for your guest sleeping on your used and soiled mattress cover. You are menopausal lesbians…

The pillows can go in the wash, ( “dry clean only” if they have feathers.) Same with the duvet. The duvet cover is only one piece of cotton, the average person sweats five litres a night, up to eleven if you’re having hot flashes, and sexually active adults will no doubt leave behind traces of seuxal fluids. Pillow cases are only one layer of fabric and you don’t have pillow protectors on them. Pillows breed dust mites and bacteria. Your pillows should have pillow protectors like your mattress. And you should wash the protectors once a month, or between guests. Is [REDACTED][previous guest]’s body sweat on that mattress still? Her husband’s cum stains? I’m guessing yes. (Ew!!)

The duvet insert, the pillows and the mattress cover all have a body odour smell. You probably don’t notice it because it smells like you, but it’s clear to me that they’re unwashed.

Beyond the bags you took with you, I took 3 bags of garbage and 2 bags of recycling to the local bus stop garbage bin (because YOU missed garbage day).

You booked me four hours. I did 11:30 to 6pm, so 6.5 hours, with the Plan to return for 90 more minutes as per conversation with [REDACTED]. In hindsight I should have just left after four hours and let you do the rest.

So at 6pm, I went home to eat dinner, went to clean the preschool, and by then it was 10pm so I went home to sleep.

You have porous floors with many imperfections, little bits of dirt and mop water get stuck in the crevices. Newly renovated floors are quick and easy to mop because it’s a flat non porous surface. I can use a squeegee on a new floor. I can’t use Pine Sol on paint, and no bleach, alcohol, vinegar or detergent for the wood. I hand wiped all the dark marks under the dining chairs where it scuffs the floor, and anywhere I know the mop can’t reach. I’m assuming the last time the floors were mopped was by me; also assuming you wear shoes around the house instead of socks or barefeet. I drop food on my kitchen floor and eat it because it’s forever clean. I vacuum and mop daily, takes five minutes per day because there’s only 24 hours of debris build up. Same with my toilet. I clean it six days a week. It never smells. There are never urine marks under the seat and to be quite frank, we don’t have pubes (shave and wax) so there are zero little hairs stuck to my toilet rim.

While cleaning the Shower – I cut my hand in three spots and needed my mini first aid kit. You don’t have bandaids in your medicine cabinet?

You need to provide a first aid kit, the industry standard for Airbnb and furnished rentals. Also pretty standard is to remove personal items and trinkets. For emotional intelligence reasons I said you have good taste and the place looks great. My real opinion, there’s so much stuff it looks tacky – and it creates more work to dust everything. Not everyone appreciates vintage and antique junk; one mans trash, other man’s treasure. It could be said that your place is full of old trash with no value.

If I were living there I would want those bedroom shelves empty for me to put my stuff. Morgan moved everything for exactly that reason.

The only restriction listed on my website is no Cigarettes. My new client form in fact has a checkbox to tick to indicate you don’t smoke inside. The form won’t send unless you tick that box; I don’t take clients that smoke indoors. When you first hired me I was told you smoke, but only outdoors. Clearly someone smokes in the living room by the couch and also in the bathroom. Your place smells more like stale smoke than dog urine, (ironic that you keep blaming Morgan). Best practice is to vacuum once a week, or more. Based on the dust bunnies under the bed, I’m guessing you don’t maintain a proper housekeeping schedule.

In other words, your place is perpetually dirty and smells like an ashtray. (People who smoke have poor sense of taste and smell, you don’t notice it, but I do).

What I had Left To Do:

1.  Mop the floors 

I clean top to bottom, floors last. Your floors were vacuumed and free of debris. They just needed a wet mop and a final dry mop; top floor first, parts of the stairs that aren’t carpet, then the downstairs bathroom, then the bedroom, and finally the front entrance area. Any other order would cross contaminate the clean surfaces.

2.  Mattress 

Use the clean and sanitized attachment piece – vacuum mattress, make bed.

3.  Under bed 

Vacuum and mop the dust bunnies under the bed

4.  Replace items 

Vacuum the carpet and put it back upstairs. Reassemble the toaster area and the coffee station.

5.  Finish downstairs clean 

Mirror and sink in downstairs bathroom. Dust the items on the bedroom shelves using the ladder.

6.  Kitchen cupboards 

Clean and sanitize the cupboards (I only vacuumed the corners), Reassemble kitchen, wipe inside of fridges, wipe the dining room table; Final mop on all floors. Put the carpets back.

Would have been 90 minutes for me, or $45. If you divide by two people it should have taken the two of you about 45 minutes to finish. Since you’re not trained professionals and you didn’t know what exactly had been done, I’m assuming it took longer. (Truthfully I found it funny and totally laughed at your misfortune. Karma is a bitch, eh)

I was under the impression you’d return Monday evening as per our in-person conversation, also confirmed by my Sunday evening call with [REDACTED]. Yet somehow Monday morning you accused me of doing “nothing”, you yelled at me, swore, and wouldn’t let me explain myself. On Sunday I even offered you a booking for Tuesday evening so everything would be fresh for Wednesday. You could have booked me for Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and or Tuesday. I had plenty of options but you didn’t plan very well in advance.

Since you’re no longer my client I’m going to drop my Emotional Intelligence bull shit and be real with you.

I can understand you’re stressed about your situation, but taking it out on me isn’t the answer.

[REDACTED], any normal person would be embarrassed by what you said to me. Technically I would label it verbal assault and emotional harassment, fortuitously for you, I did not record the call. Would you be ok if I had recorded the call and posted it to YouTube with a link on your [BusinessName] [REDACTED] google reviews and Yelp page? Your customers would be happy to hear your emotional outburst? You’re proud of what you said to me? What if you had texted me instead and I had screen shots of your words?

Ironic that you said I was unprofessional. Laughable, really.

I’ve never been “fired” from a job before, I usually get compliments and gratuities. You two tend to be difficult, you don’t tip, and you complain about minor things, even though you live like slobs.

I usually get along with people. It’s called Social Intelligence. I feel you go through life burning bridges and making dramatic decisions… that’s on you, not me. Do you have a tendency to freak out and yell when you don’t get your way? It’s called a temper tantrum and it’s not cute coming from a woman who is old enough to have grandkids.

It is literally criminal harassment. Just to drive the point home, I should have recorded the phone call and filed charges for verbal assault. My brother is a Constable with the city police, with a degree in criminology, and he said I could try to file charges even without a recording. (Not worth my time, the result is not guaranteed)

My only regret in regards to this entire situation is that you didn’t text me, and I didn’t hit record. I rarely answer my phone, and I record every call I make to any customer service, so basically you got lucky here.

[REDACTED], you committed a crime. At least [REDACTED] had the Emotional Intelligence to politely say you’d take it from here.

Social Intelligence and Emotional Intelligence are not just terms used in psychology, the professor who coined the terms wrote two best selling books. Social Intelligence and Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. As you already know, you rub people the wrong way and create conflict frequently. I’ve listened to you vent and gossip about situations, if you’re frequently on the receiving end of bad customer service, it means you’re a bad customer. You have entitled attitudes plus unreasonable expectations.

As a reflection, you are both consistently miserable with unlimited negativity and endless disdain in the way you talk to each other. I don’t really care if you’re depressed or on the edge of divorce, because I’m a friendly housekeeper, not your friend, not your therapist.

I am very experienced, my client retention rate is over 95%. I am good at what I do, and so far I have smiled and nodded to everything you’ve asked.

I don’t have the energy for any additional emotional labour, but I will express that am quite relieved you’re no longer my client.

[REDACTED], I charge $30 an hour. For this most recent clean, the remaining balance is $15 for thirty minutes.

E-transfer please, like usual. It’d be nice if you tipped, but I have low expectations. You can also refuse to send the money, I guess, but that’s on you and your conscience.

Since you kept talking over me, swearing, calling me names and insulting my profession, saying I did Nothing, I felt the only way to explain myself was by writing. Aside from an e transfer, I have zero interest in hearing from you. If I see you in public I will pretend I don’t know you.

Without prejudice,
Kat